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And so there's a change...

Today was Vik's birthday! Sweet sixteen. I honestly don't know why it's so ~sweet~ nothing great happened to me that year. So I'm making seventeen my year.

Sarah gave me the other half of my Christmas gift. It was a mix CD, and I listened to it the whole way home. Can I tell you just how perfect it is driving over the Buckman Bridge and listening to Difference by Acceptance?

Just being alone and going way over the speed limit and taking my eyes off the road to look at the city, and seeing the other bridges in the distance. It's so cold, so everything is clear and crisp. I love Jacksonville, I'm not even going to lie. Sure it's not the biggest and there aren't always things to do, but it's nice for me to call it home. I could live in Palm Coast or freaking Tallahassee. Orlando isn't far and neither is Tampa. There isn't THAT much reason to drive 7 hours to Miami, but if I really wanted to I could. Atlanta isn't far. I've got all I need at my fingertips. Great friends, family, and music.

I've spent my night watching Watchmen trailers, reading the Watchmen blog, and stalking other things related to the film. I'm going to buy Watching the Watchmen.This weekend maybe? Idk. For the rest of the night I think I'm going to read my Umbrella Academy comics, and maybe watch the first season to Metalocalypse. World Religions at 9:30 tomorrow, I LOVVVVVVVVVVVVVE that class.

I'm feeling so good right now. (in case you couldn't tell.)

THIS CAME IN THE MAIL TODAY AND IT IS GLORIOUS:

You say it's hard enough to live

HAPPY NEW YEAR.

I am so stupid. i just keep digging myself in a hole, and giving myself hope when I really shouldn't.


FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.

The past few nights I've been going to my room around 1, playing on my phone or reading Watchmen until 4 or when I get tired. But when I put everything aside to actually sleep. I can't.

I do not have this problem. I am the champion of sleeping whenever I freaking feel like it. I've layed in bed and counted, to around 100 before my thoughts distract me and I lose count and have to start all over. If you asked me now I couldn't even tell you what the thoughts are. I would say they're just errant, things. With little or no meaning behind them. But I don't think that's the case.

When I wake up I'm always so thirsty, and I'm hot and I just feel so achey and tired and I want to go back to sleep. Sometimes I think I'm crazy.

Sometimes, I think I need to write these things down somewhere private, but I've never been much for that. Ever sense I was little, people would give me stupid little diaries with flowers and shit all over the cover, id start it out with something like "hi, I'm amber and this is my diary." Because I thought that's how those things went. Then I would never write in it. I hate writing things down.

There is no in between for me, its either laid out for everyone or locked up tight.

I'm incredibly tired right now, but I don't want to turn in. I won't fall asleep for another hour anyways.

Maybe I'll just lay here till my eyes force closed and I fall asleep on my phone.

It wont be the first time.

Fuck. I need to lighten up.

ftw

and I don't mean for the win.

I started to post a few days ago, and I just couldn't, so I tried to add more to that post yesterday, and I couldn't. But now I'm in a pretty bad mood, so I deleted that post and now I've decided to write a whiny post about me failing at fucking life and all that shit.

I failed my freakin math class. I BARELY had a high enough GPA to stay in the program, and I really don't like that. REALLLLLLY don't. So I have to re-take Intermediate Algebra, this is my last chance. When I finish the spring semester, I have to take college algebra over the summer, so lame. :(, but the courses will be over before all the warped tour fun begins. Next semester, I am swearing to myself to do better, I HAVE to do better.

To top all that off. My heart hurts. I haven't had a for realz srs bizniz crush on someone in ages. Infatuations? Yes, I have had those (plenty!). But actually being close to someone and realizing they're everything I want is another thing. It's not that I don't think I don't have a chance, I guess I do, eventually I will. What sucks, is I feel like I let my chance slip away months ago because of one stupid comment. FUCK. I'm tired of being there for people and boosting them up, just to get stuck. Really, I don't hate helping my friends out, that I don't mind, but I do mind when I kinda have ulterior motives behind it, and it ends up backfiring.

As outspoken as I am, I still can't tell someone that I really really really like them, and I think they're perfect.

The only good thing about the last month really has been FOB, I don't have the good vibes right now to re-tell how AWESOME the show was, but Sarah's blog pretty much sums it up.

Oh, and I love Folie a Deux.

I'm so like a window in your life

I really need to update more. I was going to last night, I had stuff to write about, but I went to sleep instead. Now, I can't remember what I wanted to write about.

We took my grandma and grandpa to Disney World for Thanksgiving. I love Disney World.

My birthday is in 40 minutes. SO stoked.

All I See Scares Me

This box has been sitting blank for about twenty minutes now. I don't know what to write, but I feel the need to. I think I have become boring.

Today was my dad's birthday.

This sat for another thirty minutes while I read Calvin and Hobbes comics. They are my favorite thing. Although, it makes me kinda of sad Hobbes IS just a stuffed animal. Of course, it could be something like ~he's real if you want him to be~, or something else entirely too abstract for me to comprehend. I'm intelligent, but I can't "read between the lines."

Every time I go back to Lee my (favorite) english teacher always goes "hello college person!" and throws his ridiculous arm in the air.

This blog is completely pointless. Non sequitur. This is how my brains works. Just moving from one point to the next. I need to brush my teeth. I don't want to go back to school tomorrow.

I wish I had a story to tell right now, but the only thing that has happened of late has been me going to see Bayside, and it was excellent, but I'm tired of writing show reviews. The fact that I have nothing to write about backs up the fact that I am boring. Some times I have a crush on one of my best friends, but only sometimes (somedays, some hours, some encounters, some minutes). Do you understand?

LOL Sarah, do I sound more like Beckett or Pete Wentz now? I think it's a combination of the two. Also, I read your Rise Against/Tokio Hotel blog. YES, that makes me happy!

Sarah and I want to go to Chicago for the last (UGH) 2*Sweet show. It is December the 20th. My mom says no, and I say: "Why don't you want me to see snow? Why? >:|"

Next show is Copeland? Maybe? I haven't even asked, but now I feel like all I care about is Lydia, which is weird. Blanca must of told me about them a million times, and I listened, and I never GOT it. But now that I listen to the CD a lot. I think I understand, and I NEEEEEED to see them live. Plus Lights (not to mention Copeland and Lovedrug), I mean REALLLLY? This last paragraph has more life in it than the rest of the blog does.

Don't you say that I've gone crazy. Cause I haven't gone crazy, yet. I just lost my mind, but I still got you.

they all scream california

Last Thursday was Rise Against. And it was incredible. The Gaslight Anthem are seriously my favorite band right now. No one knew what was going on during their set, but I did, and I think they came off really well to everyone. I lovelovelovelovelove them a lot. Thrice brings a ridiculous presence to the stage. All I remember from TOC06 was LIGHTS, and this time all I remember was the bearded asian man. Alkaline Trio are my heart. Rise Against is awesome. People get SO EXCITED. I love going to boy shows and seeing guys being totally stupid over another man, I also love there is never any fucking drama with boys. Not to mention the kid behind us in line was also behind us at New Found Glory, and he is a fucking riot. Hightlight: Before starting 'Swing Life Away' Tim said the song was pretty much about Chicago, but said that Florida made an appearance, so everyone cheers. Then when he got to the part 'Lets pack our bags and settle where palm trees grow' everyone screamed. Sometimes I love Florida.

After the show we found April and Melissa, and we waited for Tim. April was on a mission (and so was Sarah). First Zack came out, and let me tell you. That man is a freaking MOTER MOUTH. He must have word vomit 24/7, and I'm also happy he knows he looks like an alien. Then MATT FREAKIN SKIBA came out, and he had this ridiculous jacket on, but April had seen him before, and she goes that's Matt. Me: O_O *watches him walk far away). I didn't want to scream "MATT!" when he's a good 30 feet away from me. LUCKILY there was a girl close to him and she goes "Matt, can I get a picture?" and then all 25 of the kids waiting run over to him, because....MATT SKIBA YOU GUYS. He is awesome. He was really nice to everyone, and he told us they would be back next spring/summer (oh my god). He also took notice of Sarah's Chicago Fire Dept. shirt, and proceeded to tell everyone that he was going to, quote, "Go to firefighter school, but instead I started a rock band called Alkaline Trio. So right now I could be putting out a fire, or playing for you guys." And everyone told him we preferred the latter. Vik and Sarah met this man in 05 when Alkaline went out with My Chem. Sarah was downright determined to get him to sign the picture of him and Vik. So Sarah's mom runs to the car, then runs back, all the while we make April keep him talking. So She gets back with the picture and vik asks him to sign it. The conversation went a little like this:

Sarah/Vik: It's from Chicago in 2005. (? right? that's what happened? idk. I can't remember the first part.)
Him: Is this Warped?
Vik: No, it's from the my chem tour.
Him: I REMEMBER YOU! YOU'RE A LADY NOW! (seriously, greatest thing i have EVER heard.) How old were you?!
Vik: 12
Him: How old are you now (cause obv Skiba can't add 3 to 12. that's okay.)
Vik: 15, almost 16.
Him: sayssomemorestuffabouthowawesomethatis

It was epppicccc. Then he left saying "GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU!"

About 5-10 minutes later Tim came out. HOMYGAWD. April was having a PANIC ATTACK. She has 'give it all' tattooed on her foot, and yeah, panic attack. She got a picture with him, then she says something about looking at her foot. She lifts her foot, he CROUCHES DOWN AND HOLDS HER FOOT. April is dying. "Does it say 'give it all'? That's awesome." So yeah, then it's my turn, he shakes my hand "Hi, I'm Tim." REALLY? REALLY??????? I shake his hand and introduce myself. It was all very nice really. My picture is adorable, I won't hear anything different.


So, then we went back to the hotel. Ate Taco Bell. Slept. Woke up, got to looking ridiculous. And left for House of Blues. Did I tell you when we got to HOB on Thursday for Rise there was a girl waiting for Tokio Hotel? Well there was. Her name was Caitlin, and she was from Seattle. So yeah. She's in the front of the line, and I don't want to get to in depth about this. There were RIDICULOUS people there. RIDICULOUS. I can't express that ANY more clearly. At 10:30 I went over to Virgin to pick me and Sarah up the TH cd so we could get a wristband for the signing. I had been in there the day before, so I knew where the CDs were, but there were girls in there running around like chickens with no heads SCREAMING. "WHERE ARE THEY? WHERE ARE THE CDs?!!!!" It was ridiculous. I walked right where they were, there was a man standing there with a stack in his hand, I said "I need 2." he handed me 2 and I went to the register. The girls in front of me and behind me were going on and on about how happy they were, they were SHAKING. SHAKING from finding a CD to get a WRISTBAND. Again, RIDICULOUS. At one me, Sarah, and Vik went and got in the line that had already wrapped halfway around the building. Ended up getting in the building around 3? or 3:30. We all sat and waited. At 5 they started playing the CD, and kids started singing/screaming. At 5:25 they arrived, trust me, I know this is the exact time they got there. I was proud of them for being punctual. There were two big rooms, the one we were in was filled with Spanish music, and the room we were moved into where the band was filled with classical music. I was pretty calm the whole time, until we actually got in the same room, and I saw Bill. WHO DOESN'T EVEN LOOK REAL. I started shaking. So I had to calm down, BREATHE. The actual signing only took about 10 seconds for all three of us to get through.

So we got back in line and there is this clusterfuck in front of us. I'm not to upset. If we got in and couldn't get barricade we were going to go up to the balcony. All Sarah kept saying was "small like a snake." totally fucking cheesy, but it's good motivation! There was this line of "VIPS" that were waiting on the opposite side of the chains, and everyone is kind of like "~who are they? what are they dooooing?" They let them in and I see this older lady run to security, then next thing I know our line is MOVING, and I just book it, and squish through. I ran down to the end of the checks and, idek HOW this happened, but there was a line with just one girl in it, and she was getting done being checked. I stalled, and Sarah PUSHES me (thank god) into that line. Lady checks me sends me through. I fast-walked my happy butt up those stairs and into that venue. I wanted to be on Tom's side, and lo and behold his side is basically completely empty. I ran to my spot and stretched out to make room for Sarah. She came in about 10 seconds after me. I don't know if we have ever been SO stoked to have a spot on a barricade.

The time between getting and waiting was crazy. 2 and half hours, and girls were getting pulled out and passing out left and right. It actually was pretty stupid. I have never seen something so ridiculous. They did give us tons of water though! Show was good. Tokio Hotel is not bad live. And that's all I have to say. I still love Bill, I found out I would happily have sex with Tom (because JESUS he is some kind of sexy), and I have found a new deep deep love for Gustav and Georg.

This is so long. Oh my God.

just clicking machines

It's only Wednesday? Jesus H. Danica Ruined my chance at true love today, if she ever reads this she will probably kill herself dead. (iloveyoudanciasomuch).

Today I got all of my hair cut off. Well, not all of it, but it was long and now it's short. There will be a picture on here as soon as I see Sarah (THURSDAY! RISE AGAINST, ALKALINE, THRICE, AND THE GASLIGHT ANTHEM) and she gets all ~photographer~ on me and yeah. Then we're camping out in a hotel room, and waking on Friday up to see Tokio Hotel.

WTF my life.

hero of war

http://jasonbherald.com/category/random/

I saw All Time Low on Thursday. I, Amber Kelly, do not like All Time Low. Mostly I went because Sarah was like >:[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[ about it. And because I wanted to see The Maine again. Well, I went, and ONLY because it was a girl show there was line drama. I hate females sometimes, I swear to god.

Every Avenue- Good. Nothing spectacular, but they are entertaining, and they don't have synths.
The Maine- I just love them
Mayday Parade- The biggest disappointment I've had in a LONG time. I've heard about this band and how great they are/their live show is for the last 2 and 1/2 years. It was TERRIBLE. I LOVE their music, but that was the worst set I've seen from anyone in ages. It sucks so bad, because now I can't listen to some really good songs without thinking about how bad the band is.
All Time Low- Still not my favorites, or anywhere close. I can't tell you how many times Sarah told me I would like them better if I saw their live show, and she was right. I do like them better, and I can probably listen to the words now, and not get mad. Met all of them, and they are all super nice.

We left to go to Jack's Mannequin at 5. Figured out the tickets were still at the house, and had to turn around. I fell asleep the way home and all the way there. Go me! We were first in line, and I didn't care how long we had to wait we got to be exactly where we wanted to be. Andrew McMahon makes me believe in good. There is nothing else to say about him. Anything he touches could very possibly turn to gold.

I need to sleep now. Work in the AM.

someones yelling fire! someones yelling fire in the theater

oh dear god.

Went to Senses Fail on Sunday. SO SWEET. I left work, and seriously got to Fuel like 5 minutes before doors. I sorta felt like an asshole? W/E. There was this fucking box thing under the stage, and idek wtf they have that there for, but my legs were pressed ALL UP ON IT. Foxy is awesome, I liked the music before, and having FINALLY seen a live show. I've pretty much made up my mind. The Number 12 Looks Like You, saw them in 2005 with From First to Last! They're still pretty much the same, diiiggg it. Dance Gavin Dance was actually pretty boring, maybe it's more interesting if you know the words?

Senses Fail- I had NO idea they had this many fans in Jacksonville. It was sick! I saw maybe HALF a song at Warped in 05 and that's an extremely hazy memory, like realllly hazy. Kids were losing their MINDS. Last song they played was Can't Be Saved, and that's my favorite song AFTER everything that is on Let It Enfold You. So he's singing the last chorus to the kids like right next to me, and I'm like wthhheelllllllll, so I crawl on the box and get to the microphone myself. Next day, bruises from hell on my lges, but they're gone now, so it's alllll goooddd.



Tuesday I turned in my first of 3 papers for Humanities, it TOTALLY sucked. I feel like shit for turning that garbage in. UGH. On a more positive note, I got a 100 on my last test. So I have, I THINK an 89 average in that class. So that's AWESOME.

Tomorrow is ATL, Mayday, The Maine, and Every Avenue. The only band I really like out of any of these is The Maine, and that's ONLY because they like GC. I listen to all the other bands, but i'm very, uh, whatever about them.

Friday is Jack's Mannequin. SO STOKED.

amber took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Desires a tranquil, peaceful state of harmony offe..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

swim for music that saves you when you're not so sure you'll survive

I haven't made a post since before Warped Tour. That was four months ago. So much time lost. Where shall we begin?

July- Warped in Tampa, was hectic, but lots of fun. Warped in Jacksonville, a lot less hectic and a lot more fun. We jumped in a pool. That's all I have to say about that. On the 30th I saw Good Charlotte again for the first time in 5 years. Hoooooooly shit. It was spec-freaking-tacular. I felt like I was 11 again, and it was great. On the 31st we left for Chicago, after lots of drama and stupid suff.

August- On the 1st we actually LANDED in Chicago, and I don't know if I've ever been more happy and completely overwhelmed about something in my entire life. On the 9th we saw Person L, Good Old War (who have turned out to be my new love), and Anthony Green (who will be my forever love) at Reggie's Rock Club. It was awesome. On the 10th we saw Danger Radio, Powerspacesuck, Ace Enders, and Cute is What We Aim For at the Metro. Danger Radio was the best of the night. On the 12th we saw Paramore at the Congress Theater. That show was great. No lie, not to mention they filmed the whole thing for the Final Riot dvd, so I'm going to have to look for myself when that thing hits the shelves. All in all, I loved it there. I'd go back at the drop of a hat. No questions asked. When we got back, I started school two days later.

September- Pretty uneventful month. On the 4th we saw the AG show for the 2nd time! It was better the second time around to be quite honest. I adore that man, AND GOOD OLD WAR. Seriously they are bommmmbbbbbb. Pretty much just went to school. I am getting close to promouncing my undying love for someone I have only spoken to for a good 3 seconds. But he's got a nice smile and a nice voice. So that's all I really need. The best thing that has happend this month were the release of two AWESOME albums. Shudder and The Glass Passenger are breathtaking.

October- The 3rd was TAI, WTK, CL, and HM in Orlando. Just a show. I love Tai though, so it was cool to see them at a real show and not Warped. The 4th was NFG, ADTR (boooo), FYS, ISHoH, and CIS. Best show of the year? We'll see. I loved all of it except ADTR's set. So lame.

The rest of this month is incredibly hectic! I have two papers to write for humanities, and a presentation to write for Spanish. Then there are about half a million shows.

12-Senses
16-ATL
17-JM
23-RA, ALK3, THRICE, THE GASLIGHT ANTHEM
24-TOKIO (8D)
31-COBRAWEEN/HGB
5-BAYYYYYYYYSIIIIDEEEEE

yes!

and the record beings with a song of rebellion

Life is bitchin. I have a hard time thinking of a better way to describe it. For a while I was stressing about a lot of stuff, but now. I'm chill.

There are awesome things in my imminent future. Shows, friends(family), and brand new adventures. I'm bouncing off the walls on the inside. My job rules. I love everyone I work with, and everyday I enjoy working there more and more (the pay is nice too, thanks).

Warped tour is two weeks away, which, holy shit. This time last year I was in a different place and had (some) different people surrounding me. My friends now (&then) are beautiful, I love their souls and their heads and everything about them. I don't need this really. I have people I could talk to about this stuff, but it's nice to look back and remember where I was at a certain time. (BACK TO WARPED) I'm so stoked (3 dates, jesus christ what is WRONG with me).

3OH!3, AM!, TAI, TA, CS (lol what finally), ETID MOTHERFUCKER, FYS (8D), GCH, JM :), KP (8D8D8D8D8D8D8D8D), SA, SYG, Shwayze, SOTY! I guess the three dates a necessary?

This post has nothing to do with rebellion, and everything to do with me being happy.

Expectations- Belle & Sebastian

Armageddon- Alkaline Trio

Alkaline Trio/Bayside/The Fashion

INCREDIBLE show.

Got to Freebird around 2:30 and waited as per usual. I have to say I love Alk3 Fans are awesome, probably because they are all older and mostly boys. Right before doors opened it started to storm, like really storm. Crazy slanted rain, thunderlightening, and hail. It was intense.

The crowd seemed pretty evenly split between bayside and alkaline. But seeing as how people were still COMING IN by the end of Bayside's set, It was probably majority Alkaline.

I was SO EXCITED to see Bayside (FINALLY). It took me 4 times (not including the time I spent passed out at warped by their stage). They're were everything I hoped they would be. The set was short but that just made more room for Alkaline Trio ;)

Alkaline took a little while to set up, but they were soooooo worth the wait. They are PERFECT. Their show is awesome, and their fans seem to be so in tune with the band. There was an awesome energy throughout the whole crowd. Everyone knew EVERY word, and thats mostly hard to come by at most shows. The whole crowd was pretty tame considering the circumstances. Pushing got pretty intense at the start of songs, and at choruses that were important. Crowd surfers were minimum (less than 10) which is super awesome since crowd surfers SUCK, especially when you're at the barricade.

Awesome. Awesome. Awesome show. Couldn't of asked for more.

Though I was absolutely soaking wet by the time we left.

ETA: After the crowd had cleared and it was just techs/merch people/a few fans milling around. Refused came on over the house speakers and a dude on Bayside's crew started dancing. Like legit dancing. And the singer of The Fashion was singing. It was incredible. I wish I had a video cause it was funny.

Keep It Simple- Cobra Starship

WARPEDTOUR
you make me sad, stop putting all the bands in the world I want to see on your tour. >:(

The Academy Is...
Cobra Starship
Every Time I Die
From First To Last
Gym Class Heroes
Say Anything
Story Of The Year
Against Me!
Jack's Mannequin
Matisyahu
Katy Perry
3Oh!3
Set Your Goals
Four Year Strong
The Audition
Charlotte Sometimes

good thing I plan on going to 3 dates~~~~

Wrecked 'Em? Damn Near Killed 'Em

I bring you the emo:

My grandma went into the hospital around the middle of April. Everyone was worried, and she was released a few days later to go home and rest. About two weeks after that she went BACK to the hospital for the same problem as before, they decided to do surgery this time. She left the hospital last Thursday or Friday, and seemed to be doing fine, albeit tired, but fine. My mom left Saturday to go help her around the house, and make sure her and my grandpa are getting along okay. My mom's been gone for a week, and will now probably be gone another week, because she just called me and told me that grandma was in an ambulance heading to the hospital. About three years ago my grandma got breast cancer, and ended up getting rid of it. I'm more scared for her now than I ever was then.


You guys, my grandma is my favorite person on this planet. And yeah, okay, I seriously say that about 50 times a day. But, honestly, and truly. She is my FAVORITE person ever, she raised me just as much as my parents did. If i'm upset I can ALWAYS ALWAYS call her, and she ALWAYS makes me feel better. She's one of the sweetest and most genuine people I'll ever meet in my life. If something happens to her, I have no idea what I'll do.