The past few nights I've been going to my room around 1, playing on my phone or reading Watchmen until 4 or when I get tired. But when I put everything aside to actually sleep. I can't.

I do not have this problem. I am the champion of sleeping whenever I freaking feel like it. I've layed in bed and counted, to around 100 before my thoughts distract me and I lose count and have to start all over. If you asked me now I couldn't even tell you what the thoughts are. I would say they're just errant, things. With little or no meaning behind them. But I don't think that's the case.

When I wake up I'm always so thirsty, and I'm hot and I just feel so achey and tired and I want to go back to sleep. Sometimes I think I'm crazy.

Sometimes, I think I need to write these things down somewhere private, but I've never been much for that. Ever sense I was little, people would give me stupid little diaries with flowers and shit all over the cover, id start it out with something like "hi, I'm amber and this is my diary." Because I thought that's how those things went. Then I would never write in it. I hate writing things down.

There is no in between for me, its either laid out for everyone or locked up tight.

I'm incredibly tired right now, but I don't want to turn in. I won't fall asleep for another hour anyways.

Maybe I'll just lay here till my eyes force closed and I fall asleep on my phone.

It wont be the first time.

Fuck. I need to lighten up.